There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Even my vagina gasped.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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