I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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