I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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