How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
