I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
