You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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