oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
