Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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