I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
