tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
