Your face is a jimmy john
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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