We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
