OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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