Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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