dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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