I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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