You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
