Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
