Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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