capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
