Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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