Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
