East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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