it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
