Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
