GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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