I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
