Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Buhtt sex?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
