he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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