We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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