I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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