i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
