if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
barbara walters just said penis...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
