Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize