We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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