haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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