it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
