I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
