Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
