I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
