you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
