he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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