Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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