Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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