I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
BRING THE BAGELS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
