someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
