I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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