i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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