hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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