So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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