i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize