my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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