I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
