I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
