my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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