He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize