Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
