Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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