So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
