I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
