she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
