The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
