He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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