Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
