I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
