im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
