I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize