We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
