My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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