I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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