Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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