i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
