Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
