the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
