I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
