You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
