I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
