and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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