Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
