Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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