I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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