i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
