As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I stole a fireplace last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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