having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And then my night got REAL pukey
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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