I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
