My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I touched a dick in church today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
