Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
