This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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