Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
