Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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