is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
