the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
