WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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