Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize