oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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